Anger

Today I was reading some of my work through out the year and I realised that I only write well when I'm angry. That's the only time I seem to think clearly enough I can write down my stream of thought. My word and sentences flow better and for some reason I use better vocabulary.

I feel like that's some sort of curse. Why do I have to be angry to write well? I don't like to be angry but I love to write my emotions down on paper. So why can I only accurately depict my thoughts when I want to punch someone or destroy the planet.

Time

Time is such a weird thing when you stop and think about it. When you can't wait for something time goes by way slower than imaginable, but when you dread something with all your heart, body, and sole time speeds up to unimaginable rates. And everyday example is the microwave. As you wait for your delicious food time seems to stand still. My dad always says microwave minutes are always the longest minutes. Another everyday example for us teenagers is tests. The APs just happened and I'm sure this last month has been the fastest month ever. Even though time is not actually changeable it feels like its always different. In reality a day is made up of 24 hours, an hour is made up of 60 minutes and a minute is made up of 60 seconds. These things don't actually change just our perspective of them changes. Time always feels against us. Or at least that's what it feels like. Graduation is in 13 days. That's less than a week now time seems to zoom around us as we prepare to become official adults.

Foodaholic

I have an addiction...to food! I love to eat! I love the feeling of a full stomach. I eat my feelings. By feelings I mean every emotion I have. Happy, sad, angry, and terrified. I just eat. Yet somehow I'm not fat. Even when I finish a full meal, I'm still hungry. My friends say I must have an inner fat man or a black hole of a stomach. The best is when my mom asks if I have a tapeworm (to clarify I don't). My favorite thing to eat is junk food and candy. Sugar is the addiction in the addiction. Like the nicotine of a cigarette. I mean without the rest of the chemicals in it it would be weird to have but when add them its amazing.

This Should Never Happen To Anyone

Tonight as I scrolled through Facebook to find some sort of inspiration I found it in the worse place. I scrolled and scrolled looking through pictures and statuses when I came upon a status from an old friend. We had both worked as kidco leaders a couple of years ago and we grew some what close over the time. A couple weeks ago she posted about her water breaking and told of her beautiful baby boy. I grew so excited and happy for her. She was a vet, married, and now had a baby. Things she told me many times she had wanted. But tonight as I scrolled I found terrible news. She had lost her baby today. Even though I haven't seen her or talked to her in a while I called her to make sure she was ok even though I know she will probably never be the same happy Melinda I just wanted to make sure someone was taking care of her. Sometimes that's all you need is a phone call. To know that someone cares and when Melinda picked up the phone we both cried together. After about 30 minutes of this and me just repeating "its ok" and "he's with God now" her husband took the phone and talked to me. He thanked me because today I was the only person to call and make sure she was ok. Everyone else had posted on Facebook small apologies. No one had bothered to pick up the phone. Then I did something that surprised him more. I asked him if he was ok. I just don't understand how these small jesters can be so overlooked. I don't understand why people can't try a little harder to care. The things I did tonight shouldn't have surprised anyone they should be normal signs of respect and caring. Yet I some how surprised him twice. People need to care. If everyone cared just a little more the world would be that much better. No mother should have to suffer the loss of her child much less suffer it alone.